


Living by candle light

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood and Gore, Fire, Gen, Gore, Guro, Ink, Masochism, Other, Pain, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 11:52:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Staring deeper into the flickering flame she remembered her emotions, or rather, her lack thereof.Aradia stares into a candle she found in a mysterious room and realises what she has been missing.Also, there's an updates about my account in the end notes





	Living by candle light

If I t0uch a burning candle I can feel n0 pain. If y0u cut me with a knife it's all the same.

 

Aradia sat at a formal wooden desk, even accompanied by a quill, ink pot, letter opener and candle of which she had lit with a box of matches that were safely concealed within the drawer. She had only recently regained her life, and had been sitting at the desk for a long while to try to gather her bearings. She had no idea why she was sitting at that desk at that particular moment, but it helped her think somehow, the flickering candle capturing all her thoughts and calming her, letting her remember things and come to closure.  
She remembered making Vriska pay.  
She remembered her death.  
She remembered the Aradiabots.

Staring deeper into the flickering flame she remembered her emotions, or rather, her lack thereof. For what seemed like thousands upon thousands of sweeps, nearly every Aradia in the combined timelines were subjected to the soul crushing apathy of death, and having her apathetic sprite contained within a metal prison with already programmed feelings that made her queasy with a sick concoction of love and hate. She began to burn with rage, her teeth gritting and her fists smashing against the wood. Aradia couldn't bare to stare at the flame further and punched the candle off the desk with a primal yell, the copper candle holder creating a sharp rattle as it dented and rolled across the floor, the candle somehow not breaking. Aradia panted as she slipped back into a calm state of mind, picking up the unharmed candle and the dented candle and re-placing them onto the desk, gently slotting the candle into the holder before opening the drawer. She pulled the brass knob and removed the only thing in the drawer: the matches. Aradia slid a match out of the white card box and held it firmly between her fingers before striking the tip against the red line on the side of the box, creating a large flare of fire that caught her fingers. Aradia yelled as the hungry flames lapped at her grey flesh, the ravenous tongues of fire licking and gnawing at her skin. She dropped the match on the lacquered desk out of shock, making the blackened wood snap, the flame dying as soon as it burned. Her shock was not of pain, but out of excitement and confusion.

Aradia felt, alive? She was alive; her godtier status confirmed this but, the pain...the pain felt different. The pain made her feel more alive than anytime after she godtiered. She felt just as alive as when she was back in her flarping days with Tavros, going on quests with both of their lives at stake, escaping dungeons with valuable treasures they managed to collect by the skin of their teeth. In haste, she fumbled around with the matchbox and managed to slip another match out, the end of the match snapping in her fingers and causing her to shake with thrill as the splintered end embedded into her finger tip. Managing to regain her ind, Aradia struck the broken match against the red line and quickly lit the wick of the candle, after completing its task the flame travelling down the match onto Aradia. Her teeth clenched and her body shook as she tried to not let her reflexes get the better of her, Aradia not able to watch her own skin blister and blacken as her eyes were squeezed shut. And despite all of this, she was happy. She felt the adrenaline rush through her blood, yet she denied it and allowed herself to continue holding the hot wood as the flame died.

Aradia exhaled as she dropped yet another burnt out match on the table, slumping down in relief and near exhaustion after denying herself the ability to drop the match. She once again began to focus on the flame, less out of meditation, as she knew she couldn't calm her agitated state, and more to ponder what she could do to herself next. Her eyes drifted from the flame to the dripping wax and exhaled a shuddering breath as she lifted the candle from it's holder, the wax already dripping onto her previously burnt fingers, sticking to her like molten iron. She rested her other hand onto the desk and slowly tilted the shaking candle to allow it's wax to pour on her arm. She hissed through her tightly clenched teeth, her body trying to reject her commands to endure the pain that exhilarated her. The quantity of wax dwindled and, with trembling hands, Aradia slid the candle back into the copper holder. 

Her mind was racing with her beating heart.

Out of the fog of her mind she began to rapidly scan the desk for anything that she could use, and used it as soon as she could. She scraped the quill along her un-burnt arm, the torn skin releasing her burgundy blood from her veins before she began thrusting the quill into her eye, the eye bursting and falling to shreds as her blood spilled onto the desk and her robes. Aradia next took the ink and lathered it into her wounds, rubbing into her arm and pouring it into her eye socket before licking out the container and smashing the glass against the desk. She scooped up the black and red smeared glass shards and rolled them around her hands, blood springing from each wound they created before shoving the fistful of glass in her mouth and swallowing, Aradia chocking back the glass and a cough. She scanned the next one last time, her vision blurring. The candle flickered as she spotted the letter opener. Aradia grabbed the letter opener in her bloody, shaking fist, the metal glinting against the light of the candle as she drew it close to her eye. She let loose a shuddering sigh before plunging the letter opener into her breast. Her burgundy blood burst out of her chest and dripped down her torn robes as she moved the knife in jagged yet precise movements, twisting and angling the blade in every direction and creating two, long, curved sweeping motions to complete her work. On her chest she had carved her time symbol and the Aries symbol, her blood pouring out and colouring her artistic work. 

Aradia felt faint, her vision blurring further. She sat at the desk, staring at the candle one last time before her broken body fell dead onto the desk.

With a burst of light Aradia re-appeared in the room, her wings outstretched and her body unscathed. She landed with a large smile cut across her cheeks, dimples impeded like bruises.

She felt alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to be posting for a while because I've been hoping to do a pesterlog fic and I have been learning how to use the homestuck skin for font and colour.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
